jonbershad:

newsweek:

We have four years in college. Well, most of us at least. Only four short years to attain the thing that is most essential in securing our futures.

That’s right ladies, four years to find a husband. Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts. A Southern belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.

So ladies, the clock is ticking and the hunnies are being taken at an alarmingly fast pace. Our expiration dates are fast approaching. To help you find that special someone, I’ve laid out step-by-step directions for how to secure your husband and consequentially, your future.

[h/t Zoe Schlanger]

Tumblr, please confirm this is satire?!

Newsweek, I’m pretty sure the column she wrote last week proves this to be a joke. It’s all about how great it is that kids nowadays don’t have to get married so early.

An update! This appears to be satire. Read above.

Thank you, Internet (specifically Jon)! You’ve restored our faith in our generation. Happy weekend to all! 

1. galoor likes this
2. champagnekisses reblogged this from newsweek
3. myownmelt likes this
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5. ohfeministwoes reblogged this from newsweek
6. grapedrinkdiaries reblogged this from newsweek
7. kelseyagnew reblogged this from jacksonreeves and added:

   But is this commenter who calls himself “Southern Gentleman” also attempting satire? Or is he really actually trying to...

8. saradcaldwell reblogged this from madeofparts and added:

   Once an R&B’er, always a R&B’er.

9. sudierae likes this
10. sammyislow likes this
11. rugcleaningmiami likes this
12. lafuguedantoine likes this
13. juiceandjewsohmy reblogged this from asoftrevolt and added:

    Those who do more than four years are exempt? SWEET.

14. leonhitchens reblogged this from newsweek
15. parahsalmer reblogged this from sammerson and added:

    i’m just going to tell myself this is a satire so my head doesn’t explode.

16. cliffsandrain reblogged this from floatinginbasicspace and added:

    My heart screams yes, but my mind whispers no, it’s probably real.

17. laurrarrae likes this
18. zoeschlanger likes this
19. sheckii likes this
20. joeystipek reblogged this from newsweek and added:

    Hahahaha! newsweek:

21. criticalpax likes this
22. joevidevo likes this
23. pxltypops reblogged this from highsee and added:

    Also known as “getting your MRS degree”

24. pxltypops likes this
25. funssse reblogged this from newsweek
26. mrs-peel likes this
27. weusedtorun likes this
28. sj00 likes this
29. madeofparts reblogged this from whiskeyfoxtrot and added:

    Reppin’ my newspaper, y’all.

30. dontyoufightit likes this
31. diepaletitasdie reblogged this from meghanic
32. documenteverything likes this
33. whiskeyfoxtrot likes this
34. whiskeyfoxtrot reblogged this from newsweek and added:

    so proud of my town?

35. readerwriterthinker likes this
36. alyssasaid reblogged this from jccarter1 and added:

    I’m really interested to see what her sorority’s response to this is. Even if this is satirical (which I think it is...

37. noyoucanhaveacoke likes this
38. mjfer reblogged this from newsweek
39. mjfer likes this
40. katfisch reblogged this from newsweek
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44. allaboutme-gan reblogged this from ravenclawkeeper and added:

    Ohdeargod. What Diana said ^

45. ravenclawkeeper reblogged this from newsweek and added:

    I can not deal with people I know being on newsweek’s tumblr…get me out

46. raptureofthedance likes this
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48. iambeelzebub reblogged this from newsweek
49. charlienovember likes this
50. meghanic reblogged this from newsweek and added:

    I was just freaking out about this the other day.

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