BREAKING: Stars look like their pets and pets look like their stars. We’ve got proof.

Friend of Newsweek tumblr Amanda McCall (The Wendy Williams Show) and Parks and Recreation funny-guy Ben Schwartz (Jean-Ralphio!) have a new book out this week, Looking on the Bright Side with Baby Animals, which is a follow up to their second book, Asking Awkward Questions with Baby Animals, which followed their first best-seller, Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals, all of which we have long fantasized about plastering all over the office doors of high-level Newsweek executives. Anyway: we asked them to answer some of our burning questions about baby animals, because, well, we think they’re funny. Also, because Amanda once wrote a book called, “Hold My Gold: A White Girl’s Guide to the Hip-Hop.” Please love them.

NWK Tumblr: Do you really think our leg will grow back?
Ben:  Well, that’s the best part of our new book. It prevents you from ever having to ‘think’ about things like that. In fact, it prevents you from having to think about anything at all!

Is there a particular baby animal that’s best for breaking bad news?
Amanda: When we started writing our first book, and even into our second book, we thought all baby animals were equally helpful. But now we know that every baby animal has its own particular skill set.

Ben: For example, kittens are good for relationship problems, while puppies are better for medical emergencies. For crime and other legal matters? Baby bunnies. God, they’re good.

Could your new book help Barack Obama handle the economy?
Amanda: If Obama used baby animal postcards in all his negotiations, every American citizen would have free healthcare and drive a Bentley.

Who would i give this book to as a gift?
Amanda: Our books are for everyone. Even Kardashians. In fact, I’m convinced that if this book came out a month earlier, Kim and Kris would still be together.

What’s the most over-rated animal?
Ben: Humans.
Amanda: Well, between us, cute little baby bears can be real divas.

nwkarchivist:

ON THIS DATE IN 1957: LAIKA LAUNCHED INTO ORBIT ON SPUTNIK II

A Dog’s Life

The first living creature to become a resident of outer space is strapped on her back in a tiny pressurized and heated cabin.  The Husky in the now-dubbed “Muttnik” is covered with electrodes measuring blood pressure, heartbeat, and body temperature.  She may be able to bark or whine into a miniature microphone and probably is being nourished intravenously by glucose.  Why a dog?  three reasons: (1) A dog does not perspire and so can be more readily confined in a limited-air cubicle, (2) a dog can register measurable emotions, and (3) a dog can be conditioned and trained to undergo severe physical trials.” 

—Newsweek  November 11, 1957

Laika did not survive the trip.

THE SADDEST ARCHIVES POST EVER.

Bank of America apologised to a woman after one of its contractors allegedly trashed her house and took her parrot while wrongly repossessing her home.

Forty-six-year-old Angela Iannelli sued the bank on Monday.

She claims her mortgage was up-to-date when one of the banking giant’s contractors damaged furniture, took her pet parrot, Luke, and padlocked her door in October.

In a statement, the bank said it “sincerely apologises” and has tried for months to resolve the issue.

The bank said it has “zero tolerance for this kind of error” and said it will quickly review the lawsuit’s allegations and consider any hardship that resulted.

The woman, who lives in the Pittsburgh area, said she eventually got her bird back after repeated calls to the bank.

Bank apologises for removing customer’s parrot (via negevrockcity)

Business Week, “Atheists Will Take Care of Your Pets After the Rapture” (via Kateopolis)