Posts tagged comedy

Here’s a basic rule: if you’re reading or watching a Shakespeare play, and you’re not imagining the actors standing in front of a mosh pit of jeering Londoners waiting to throw vegetables at the stage, you’re doing it wrong.

Shakespeare might have written the best works in the English language, or given us profound insight into the nature of humanity, or whatever — but his works wouldn’t have survived to our day if he hadn’t been popular when he was alive, and he wouldn’t have been popular when he was alive if he hadn’t been able to please the crowd. And that includes a lot of dirty jokes. A lot.

Sometimes in incredibly inappropriate places. We’re here to rescue a few of those for you, and retroactively embarrass the heck out of your fourteen-year-old self, who had to stand up in English class and read things that, in retrospect, are absolutely filthy.

This isn’t about the stuff that always does crack fourteen-year-olds up in English class, but is totally innocent: the “bring me my long sword, ho!” sort of thing.

But the kids who lose it every time the word ‘ho’ is uttered are closer to the spirit of Shakespeare than the teacher who demands they treat the words like museum pieces.


Sure, it would be awkward for teachers to explain the Elizabethan double entendres to their students — but pretending they don’t exist makes Shakespeare seem unnecessarily stuffy and difficult.

So we’re going to start with the most obvious innuendoes, and move on to some seriously advanced sex punnery that is probably going to blow your mind.

This election was more fun than 2008 because Sarah Palin was just a caricature. She was a slow-moving varmint. Mitt Romney, after a lifetime of wanting to be president, was like a thoroughbred dressage horse—and as an admirer of all things equestrian, I found him more enjoyable to lasso.
Rob Delaney is in this week’s Newsweek writing about—what else?—the campaign!
Friend of Newsweek tumblr Amanda McCall (The Wendy Williams Show) and Parks and Recreation funny-guy Ben Schwartz (Jean-Ralphio!) have a new book out this week, Looking on the Bright Side with Baby Animals, which is a follow up to their second book, Asking Awkward Questions with Baby Animals, which followed their first best-seller, Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals, all of which we have long fantasized about plastering all over the office doors of high-level Newsweek executives. Anyway: we asked them to answer some of our burning questions about baby animals, because, well, we think they’re funny. Also, because Amanda once wrote a book called, “Hold My Gold: A White Girl’s Guide to the Hip-Hop.” Please love them.
NWK Tumblr: Do you really think our leg will grow back?Ben:  Well, that’s the best part of our new book. It prevents you from ever having to ‘think’ about things like that. In fact, it prevents you from having to think about anything at all!
Is there a particular baby animal that’s best for breaking bad news?Amanda: When we started writing our first book, and even into our second book, we thought all baby animals were equally helpful. But now we know that every baby animal has its own particular skill set.
Ben: For example, kittens are good for relationship problems, while puppies are better for medical emergencies. For crime and other legal matters? Baby bunnies. God, they’re good.
Could your new book help Barack Obama handle the economy?Amanda: If Obama used baby animal postcards in all his negotiations, every American citizen would have free healthcare and drive a Bentley.
Who would i give this book to as a gift?Amanda: Our books are for everyone. Even Kardashians. In fact, I’m convinced that if this book came out a month earlier, Kim and Kris would still be together.
What’s the most over-rated animal?Ben: Humans.Amanda: Well, between us, cute little baby bears can be real divas.

Friend of Newsweek tumblr Amanda McCall (The Wendy Williams Show) and Parks and Recreation funny-guy Ben Schwartz (Jean-Ralphio!) have a new book out this week, Looking on the Bright Side with Baby Animals, which is a follow up to their second book, Asking Awkward Questions with Baby Animals, which followed their first best-seller, Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals, all of which we have long fantasized about plastering all over the office doors of high-level Newsweek executives. Anyway: we asked them to answer some of our burning questions about baby animals, because, well, we think they’re funny. Also, because Amanda once wrote a book called, “Hold My Gold: A White Girl’s Guide to the Hip-Hop.” Please love them.

NWK Tumblr: Do you really think our leg will grow back?
Ben:  Well, that’s the best part of our new book. It prevents you from ever having to ‘think’ about things like that. In fact, it prevents you from having to think about anything at all!

Is there a particular baby animal that’s best for breaking bad news?
Amanda: When we started writing our first book, and even into our second book, we thought all baby animals were equally helpful. But now we know that every baby animal has its own particular skill set.

Ben: For example, kittens are good for relationship problems, while puppies are better for medical emergencies. For crime and other legal matters? Baby bunnies. God, they’re good.

Could your new book help Barack Obama handle the economy?
Amanda: If Obama used baby animal postcards in all his negotiations, every American citizen would have free healthcare and drive a Bentley.

Who would i give this book to as a gift?
Amanda: Our books are for everyone. Even Kardashians. In fact, I’m convinced that if this book came out a month earlier, Kim and Kris would still be together.

What’s the most over-rated animal?
Ben: Humans.
Amanda: Well, between us, cute little baby bears can be real divas.

newyorker:

In this week’s magazine, Tina Fey writes about the lessons she learned as a writer on “Saturday Night Live.” Fey and other women use the ladies’ room; “the men urinate in cups.” Harvard graduates write “commercial parodies about people wearing barrels after the 1929 stock-market crash”; improvisers from Second City create “loud drag characters named Vicki and Staci screaming their catchphrase over and over.” Click over to the site for more vintage Tina Fey video.

Oh, Tina. Best quotes:

"Not all the men at ‘S.N.L.’ whizzed in cups. But four or five out of twenty did, so the men have to own that one"

"Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity."

Six months ago I was getting booed by my own audience when I would make jokes about Obama. I remember one show I had to say to my audience, ‘He’s the president, not your boyfriend.’
Bill Maher, interviewed by Joe Scarborough, for our ‘Interview Issue’