Posts tagged satire
I wake up at four to some old-timey dubstep spewing from my pillows. The lights are flashing. My alarm clock is blasting Skrillex or Deadmau5 or something, I don’t know. I never listened to dubstep, and in fact the entire genre is on my banned list. You see, my house has a virus again. Technically it’s malware. But there’s no patch yet, and pretty much everyone’s got it. Homes up and down the block are lit up, even at this early hour. Thankfully this one is fairly benign. It sets off the alarm with music I blacklisted decades ago on Pandora. It takes a picture of me as I get out of the shower every morning and uploads it to Facebook. No big deal. I don’t sleep well anyway, and already had my Dropcam Total Home Immersion account hacked, so I’m basically embarrassment-proof. And anyway, who doesn’t have nudes online? Now, Wat3ryWorm, that was nasty. That was the one with the 0-day that set off everyone’s sprinkler systems on Christmas morning back in ’22. It did billions of dollars in damage.
jonbershad:

newsweek:


We have four years in college. Well, most of us at least. Only four short years to attain the thing that is most essential in securing our futures.
That’s right ladies, four years to find a husband. Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts. A Southern belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.
So ladies, the clock is ticking and the hunnies are being taken at an alarmingly fast pace. Our expiration dates are fast approaching. To help you find that special someone, I’ve laid out step-by-step directions for how to secure your husband and consequentially, your future.

[h/t Zoe Schlanger]
Tumblr, please confirm this is satire?!

Newsweek, I’m pretty sure the column she wrote last week proves this to be a joke. It’s all about how great it is that kids nowadays don’t have to get married so early.


An update! This appears to be satire. Read above.
Thank you, Internet (specifically Jon)! You’ve restored our faith in our generation. Happy weekend to all! 

jonbershad:

newsweek:

We have four years in college. Well, most of us at least. Only four short years to attain the thing that is most essential in securing our futures.

That’s right ladies, four years to find a husband. Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts. A Southern belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.

So ladies, the clock is ticking and the hunnies are being taken at an alarmingly fast pace. Our expiration dates are fast approaching. To help you find that special someone, I’ve laid out step-by-step directions for how to secure your husband and consequentially, your future.

[h/t Zoe Schlanger]

Tumblr, please confirm this is satire?!

Newsweek, I’m pretty sure the column she wrote last week proves this to be a joke. It’s all about how great it is that kids nowadays don’t have to get married so early.

An update! This appears to be satire. Read above.

Thank you, Internet (specifically Jon)! You’ve restored our faith in our generation. Happy weekend to all!